Friday, 2 January 2009

Dad II

My dad tried to take his own life recently - twice. He told us he had had enough, I understood why, but it was hard to let go. I said I still needed him: he had always been an important figure for me. While I had needed to act more as a parent to my mum, supporting her when my dad left, my dad was the adult I turned to for guidance and advice.

He didn't succeed, and selfishly, I'm glad. I have him around for a bit longer. But I realise now that of course, I'm old enough to make decisions without his input. I haven't relied on his advice for many a year. His life is plagued by his Parkinsons and frequent infections and he sees no point prolonging it. He has said he will wait for nature to take its course. I hope for him that it's soon, but not before we (all four of his children and his five grandchildren) go to celebrate his birthday later this month.

Hang on in there Dad. We love you.

12 comments:

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Of course you love him and to say you are glad he did not succeed is just human nature. What a difficult situation for you all. My love is with you.

CJ xx

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Dear God, how very very sad for you and him. This made my heart ache for your predicament. There is nothing of any use that I can say here except hugs and I am thinking of you. I will also pop a wee prayer into the mix just to see if someone up there can give you an extra layer of protection. X

Mean Mom said...

So sorry to hear about your father's attempts on his life and about his situation. What a dreadful thing for your father and the whole family to have to cope with. I hope that you all find the strength to come to terms with everything and that you can all find comfort in each other.

ladythinker said...

Very sad about your father. Was it a serious attempt or a cry for help? Perhaps he misses your asking his advice and feels of less use to you. just athought . .
Talk over with him about Mum at Xmas etc, the comments you've had and his views/suggestions/advice.
He obvioulsy broke free . . perhaps he'll support you to do so ..

Flowerpot said...

I hope he stays around long enough for his birthday for your sake and for his sake I hope he can go when he's had enough. Very difficult.

Annieye said...

How awful for you and your father too. I hope things are better now.

Ribbon said...

I like your blog. Great to read that you have been able to talk through the suicide attempt with you Dad.
Best wishes

Maddy said...

Real life is grim. I also rely on my dad even though he has has Alzheimers for some while so in reality I don't really rely on his input in real life. Hope that birthday was a good one.
Best wishes

Ducking Little said...

That's a tough one. Though I think you should stop feeling guilty about him still being alive. It is in fact likely that part of him still wants to live, and there is nothing wrong or selfish with you celebrating that.

I have to say that I completely sympathise with your parent situation.. Your mum sounds like a clone of my boyfriend's mother, who is very, very difficult to live with. Hang on in there!

Nota Bene said...

Poor man. My father died of Parkinsons a year ago...it robbed him of all dignity, and that's something we should all have as we age. I hope you all managed to celebrate his birthday one way or another

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Jen said...

I wanted to share this short piece about suicide and intervention in the forms of medication, time, support and professional therapy or counseling.
http://www.dailyrx.com/feature-article/adjusting-frames-mind-3860.html
Sorry to hear you father succumb to a infection. Mine passed of Parkinson's a year ago.