Tuesday, 1 July 2008

And it was all going so well...

I'm back.

Nine months into my renewed attempt at my PhD. I have felt stronger, more skilled, more knowledgeable and better equipped this time round. Up until this month, I have convinced myself that this would be the time when I would finally get it done. I am confident that my plan is sound and I have a pretty good idea of the chapters and the arguments I'm going to make - though the latter need developing theoretically.

For the past three months I have been working towards starting to rewrite and I have deliberately chosen the easiest one to write - the one light on theory and heavy on description. After delays from other work commitments, holidays and a certain amount of procrastination today was the day I started to write my first page.

And I have really struggled. Words are failing me, expression eludes me, I tinker about with the same paragraph over and over and it all sounds so lame. So weak.

I feel sick, my heart is racing, my mind is whirling, and I'm obsessing on random sentences - I'm right back to the same problems I faced first time around and I'm so disappointed. This time, I really thought it would be different, but the same old demons are coming back to haunt me.

If any of you are out there identify with my plight or have advice to get me out of it - I'd welcome the input.