Saturday, 15 November 2008

Chip chip chipping away

I feel like the ants and the rubber plant in that cheesy song.

I finished my first chapter. It was way, way, way too long but my supervisor was impressed. Then again, it was the personal, intimate, small-scale descriptive stuff - the stuff I do best.

Now I'm on the next chapter - the historical background, my hardest one - and I'm struggling again. Its taken five days to write three pages and progress is painfully, painfully slow. I'm pretty sure what I need to say, what sections to have, but - as my old english teacher wrote in my school report 'clarity still eludes her'. I agonise over writing the simplest sentence, finding expression difficult and spending hours finding the correct references and quotes.

Prior to beginning the chapter I spent weeks reading over my old notes, getting to grips with the mass of information I had on the topic, writing notes of notes, drawing out points. Yet I still don't have the facts, references and quotes at my fingertips. Surely, I think to myself, there must be a quicker way to do this?

Each day, I go to bed, desperately disappointed with what I have achieved. Each day I resolve that the next one will be more productive. Each day I try to think that I get a tiny infinitesimal bit closer to completion but the pace is frustrating.

It feels as if I'm trying to carve a stone sculpture with a toothpick.


menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

I can really relate to your struggle here and you write it so very well that it leaps off the page at me. Perseverance dear girl, perseverance. I know that is not of much help but at least you haven't given up and that means so much. keep visualising your success and eventually you will get there. Watch yourself getting your doctorate, add laughter, joy, clapping, even louder applause, see the joy on your and your family's faces. Make the image bigger and better each time until it's almost a memory that you can conjure up when you are struggling. Good luck!

Mean Mom said...

Well, I struggle in much the same way with blogging, so I don't know what I'd be like if I was trying to deal with your mammoth task!

Patience. You can do it. You can get there. You are progressing - just not as fast as you would like.